I think I am very lazy at the moment, my motivation seems to of disappeared for a little while. I feel that I’m struggling on a day to day basis and Im not sure why? I’m incredibly busy, promoting awareness of bladder cancer during Urology awareness month, trying to write articles, being a wife (failing on that one right now), being supportive and caring, and having a good nights’ sleep.
Don’t get me wrong, I sleep better now than I ever did with my bladder in. I guess I keep waking up in the night because I’m a fidget! I toss and turn all night long, driving myself bonkers as each time I turn over, I semi wake up as I check my night bag tube. So although Im not getting up to pee each night, I am still waking up. And I feel exhausted, yet when I try to have a nap in the day my brain won’t let me. Figure that one out!
Anyways, August and September have been great, I have been meeting more people and getting out of my comfort zone, which is a big thing for me. I know that I always come across as confident but this couldn’t be further from the truth and I’m struggling with this at the moment with anxiety getting the better of me on a few occasions.
A few weeks ago I felt a “tightening” around my rib cage, my boobs became really sensitive and sore and then a sharp pain appeared in my scapula. I underplayed this, as I hate having a fuss made. I went to bed and was finally able to sleep, in-between the pain and being uncomfortable.
I woke up the next morning, still uncomfortable and now also having a “dead arm” with tingling fingertips. I tried not to let it bother me however as time went on and the Hubs left for work, it became increasingly worse. I was breathless, hot and panicky. I called 111 as didn’t think it was an emergency however I was becoming really worried I was having a heart attack. I just wanted some advice.
Long story short, an ambulance was sent out and I had the nicest paramedics ever. It was a panic attack, not a heart attack. I felt out of control, I felt dizzy, my heart was racing and could hardly catch my breath. I then felt terrible for calling them out when actually there was nothing wrong with me, well apart from the biggest panic attack I have ever had in my life. I can’t believe just how debilitating it was. it took me a few days to get over feeling so emotional.
A huge thank you goes out to my to lovely paramedics who sat with me and calmed me down, and even said hello to Sherlock as I couldn’t lock him away. they also told me that with my medical history I did the right thing. I still felt a little foolish.
Anyways…. moving on.. I have been helping to promote all things urology as September is #Urologyawareness month. I really had no idea just how awful my bladder was until I had it removed. I now realise that not only did I suffer with incontinence, I had internal cystitis as well and the usual nocturnal peeing 6-7 times a night. We need to make others aware that we don’t have to put up with this and that there is help out there. For more information please see http://www.theurologyfoundation.org
Fight Bladder Cancer info stand at Royal County Hospital, Winchester
Don’t suffer in silence, talk to your GP, your Urologist and talk to other people as well, you will be surprised that, having urology issues, are more common than you think. We need to stop feeling embarrassed after all we all have to pee!
I did have a little “accident” on my way to Winchester Hospital this week. I set off in plenty of time however I forgot that I am taking diuretics to help with the fluid on my lungs, due to the heart failure. Anyways I got to Four Marks (about 20 mins away from home) and realised my bag was filled to bursting point. I had no choice but to carry on until I found a lay-by, by this time it was too late and pee was seeping out of the bag all over my jeans.
I had wipes and was able to clean myself up and change my bag. The poor Hubs had to bring some clean trousers as I don’t take extra clothes with me anymore as I thought I had this “bag thing” sorted! That will teach me for being so cocky!
Changing my bag in my car!
Now for the exciting news…. I have been invited to the Houses Of Parliament, in October, for a giant Macmillan coffee Morning and have been asked to do a little speech eeeek! How flippin exciting? Little old me at the HoP, I can’t quite believe it, what an honour. What a wonderful way to be able to spread awareness!
I found the most amazing dress from Tesco, its floaty, its autumn colours, it has a handkerchief hem… and have set my heart on wearing this for my speech. Ala,s all my lovely dear friends went looking in their local Tescos and we just couldn’t find it in any store. I contacted Tesco via FB and twitter asking them to help me.
It turns out that they don’t go up to the size I want, the size that I would feel comfortable in HOWEVER Tesco spoke to their suppliers who have made me one!!! I cannot begin to tell you just how utterly amazed, thankful and shocked I am and also how happy I am. I shall feel and look amazing on the day. A HUGE THANK YOU to #Tesco for doing this for me. I feel such a lucky girl. I will post photos when I get it, as I was informed yesterday that its on its way… eek!
Well that is all for today, I think I now need to finish a few articles for Bladdercancer.net and work on my speech, which will be on “Incurable but Treatable Cancers”.
Wishing you an amazing day
love and hugs always