I feel like such a Fraud!

1st April 2106… that was when I first saw my tumour. Since then I have had 2 lots of palliative chemo and 3 radiotherapy sessions. Oh and let’s not forget the removal of my bladder, lymph node and woman’s bits…

19th August 2017 was the date it was removed and it was the date that my life slowly started getting better. Obviously it did take a while, you can’t go though a major operation without having to get used to a new normal, without coping with the pain and disruption, wondering if your life will ever be the same again.

I know this as not only have I been through it, I have supported others through it too! They didn’t believe me, on week 2,3 or 7 that their life would get back to “normal” or that one day they would have half an hour of fun, without thinking about their stoma and bag … but you do.

You learn to live with everything that life throws at you, physically and mentally! Physically, it is hard. The body hurts and aches, you may have “accidents” where you are left covered in pee! These being you down, mentally!

There doesn’t seem to be an end to it all! Lots of tears of frustration are cried. You should be grateful that you are still here, alive and cancer free… but you aren’t. You mourn for your old life… the happy, carefree life before cancer.

Times goes by… you cope, you learn to live your new life, adapting to it all the time.

People comment on how well you look, on how well you seem to be. They don’t know your worries, your fears, the pain beneath each smile. The force you have become in order to push yourself everyday. They just see the smiles, they see you as “fixed.”

The truth is that we aren’t “fixed” we aren’t who we once were. So many problems that lie beneath surface, so many worries.

I need to get a job, yes, I get a benefit to help towards living but because I am not dead, this benefit, which has kept us afloat, may not be granted to me because I have chosen to get off my bottom and am trying to get physically fit… so we may lose that money… and then what do we do?

You see, I’m in that “limbo land” where I am not cured and nor will I ever be… and some days are amazing and I am filled with life, other days, it’s enough that I walk the dog and then take to the sofa with a blanket.

People perceive me as being “well,” as being fit, as being fixed and better. People don’t want to hear about the realities living with an incurable illness and other health issues, they don’t want the truth..

They don’t want to hear how you were woken up in the night, with horrific pains in your legs at 2am and how no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get through it, you wanted to scream and punch things.

They don’t want to know that today, you are struggling walking up the stairs or that today your body had decided it has had enough.

They don’t see the tears of frustration and anger when you can’t do something so simple it really messes with your head. It’s like having a “jumbled up instruction book” as a brain and that nothing makes sense today!

You worry over how you are going to live the rest of your life, how you will survived and what type of job you can get that will understand that some days you can barely make it out of bed….? But you see, you don’t show that side to social media, you don’t show the tears, the pain, the nightmare days….. no one wants to see that!

I wonder if any of my friends wonder why I am still here? I do! It’s funny once people see you are doing “well” they forget about the flip side. The side that was so distraught because you were going to die! And now you aren’t ……it seems!

Some days I want to just disappear, go somewhere new, where no one knows me… go “ghost” for a while… not have to deal with issues like money… shopping… I can’t do that though.. I have a family I love, a Husband whom I adore and am so very grateful that he has stayed by my side ❤️ I know some people haven’t been that lucky.

So am I moaning or trying to educate people? Once you have cancer and treatment stops.. well you are just “left.” Left to try and figure it all out on your own, left to try and put the new pieces of the puzzle back together, left because there is no one for you to lean on anymore.

I recently got discharged from “Macmillan’s” care, and I understand why, I do not, right now need palliative care… I am so very thankful for the support that I have received over nearly 3 years and I know that when I need them again, that they will be there ❤️

But what do I do now? Who can I turn too? Or maybe it’s time I forget about “cancer”, pull myself together, get a job and some responsibility….. I feel like the biggest fraud going …

Love & hugs

Me ❤️

Destructive behaviour … Growing & Learning?

At what point should you cut yourself off from someone who has destructive behaviour? At what point would you say enough is enough?

How many times would you go through the same destructive behaviour with someone? Someone, who you love so dearly however it’s having a detrimental affect on your own mental health?

How many times would you help to pick up the pieces whilst they are already off onto their next destructive path? At what point would you stop?

I have tried so very hard, and “learnt behaviour” is the worst. I am no saint, I have made millions of mistakes and yet I have learnt and grown, through ageing and wisdom. This is what we do when we learn and grow…. and yes sometimes we repeat the mistakes until the lessons are learnt and we move on.

How do you take “the world off your shoulders?” How do you deal with the guilt, in thinking it’s your fault that they are this way?

How do you help someone who doesn’t see their behaviour is destructive, who doesn’t see the devastating affect it has on others around them. Someone who continues on their path totally oblivious to the hurt they have caused, but it’s ok… they are ok now.

How do you deal with the after effects when you are emotionally drained? How do you just walk away for their good and your own sanity?

How do you walk away and not enable their behaviour any more? How many times do we have to get to the same old place, the same old pattern? How do we stop it when you feel it is your job to help and support them?

How can we just walk away? Will that do more harm than good?

I don’t know any of the answers to any of those questions, all I know is that right now I must focus on my life, my health however heartbreaking it is…. but I still love them …

Anxiety strikes!

Yesterday was going to be a great day. I was starting an Aqua Fit group at our local lesuire centre. I’m sure that I have mentioned that I have overhauled our diets (mine & Tims).

This has had a fabulous effect on both of us. Secretly I am feeling pretty darn smug! (Well not so secretly now) The problem I seem to have is… well… there isn’t enough hours in the day anymore 😱 I am enjoying the walking, it is just taking up lot of my day now…

I am getting up and having a coffee then taking Sherlock out. I am walking for a good few hours, this is helping me with my fitness and my mind. I have been feeling a little low for a while and whilst I tell myself it is just the “January blues” I often worry it could be a sign of me not coping!

I don’t know about you but I have a facade that I can put on, it’s a good one and no one other than me, knows that I’m having a hard time. I do this, for me, to save face, to stop others from worrying.. and because if I am lucky, it will pass without any major incidents.

So this brings me to yesterday and aqua fit. I was looking forward to going, yet it was only as the time grew closer that I could feel panic rising from my tummy. “Who else would be there?” “Would I know anyone?” “Where are the toilets” (this is a new one due to Sally Stoma) “Will I wear my wig or not?” “What if it gets wet (doh) and falls off”…, and so on… you get the picture.

Now the thing is I am so much more confident than I have ever been in my whole life. If you meet me you would never know I have anxiety issues and that I am prettified of grown ups.. I cover it well, so well that sometimes I even fool myself.

Cut to the leisure centre, I park,

Take several deep breaths and walk in. There are about 5 older women in front of me, all paying for aqua fit. I wait my turn, anxiety building, the Receptionist says something I don’t quite hear due to the thumping in my ears. I ask her to repeat herself and she does, happily and nicely. “Ok I have got this.”

I walk down the corridor not really knowing where I am going, I see the sign saying “changing rooms” and go to go in. I can see through the glass on the door that there are lots of people. My heart beats faster, thump thump thump thump.. my face stings as I can feel myself “flushing” thank for I have waterproof foundation on.

A lady comes through the door with me and the same time, I take a breath and say “are you here for the aqua fit? I’m on my own and feeing a little anxious.” She smiles and says yes. She is here with her husband and of course I can tag along with her.

I feel rather proud of me! Actually asking for help, taking control and not letting anxiety win. I go to a cubicle and get changed. I decide that no wig will be worn and that I will just buy a swimming hat in future. I get into my costume. Big deep breaths!

I hold my head high and go to the lockers. Omg so many people are turning up for aqua fit! What did I expect? I try to pay no attention to anyone and yet my head is now wondering how to get to the pool, I don’t even know where it is, oh bloody hell!

My hand runs down to my bag. I need to empty it before I get into the pool. Oh god! Where are the loo’s? I struggle with finding a locker. There’s one, at floor height. I put my clothes and bag in, I try to lock it.. it won’t work…. why won’t it work? Omg seriously am I that stupid I can’t work out how a locker works?!?! Panic begins to rise…

Someone bangs into me by mistake. I try and different £1… it still doesn’t work… the noise, oh gosh it has gotten so noisy… my heart starts to race again, I struggle with the locker door…

Someone says something to me, I just look at him, I can see his mouth move but I can’t hear him. My heart is pulsating in my ears, it’s all too noisy, I grab my stuff and go back to the changing room. I hurry and change into my clothes…. I can feel tears forming in my eyes, panic is settling in… I have to get out of here NOW!

I try to leave they the doors that I came in, they won’t open, I claw at the small gap, desperately trying to leave, with my boots and bag in my hand, half of my clothes on, the other thrown into my purple bag. Someone sees me, she pushes the door, I don’t even know if I thanked her, I ran…. ran for my life (ok a little dramatic)

Just as I was leaving through the main doors, I’m aware someone have grabbed my arm and is talking to me. It takes a few seconds… it is the fitness instructor saying something… I mutter “I have to go home” and then I run, I burst into tear and I run to my car.

I get in and drive. I become aware that I must of stood on a thorn. There was no time to put my boots on. I drive, I drive to my safe place… the place I know where nothing can touch me, tears running down my face, sobbing my heart out. Feeling like a fool, an idiot.. I mean what person gets so worked up about aqua fit?

I run to the house and burst through the door. The Hubs is there, holding me, telling me it’s ok, saying it’s all going to be fine… I have got to the stage where I can’t stop sobbing. He hold me. He tells me it’s ok… he says maybe next time he will come and watch me.

I try and tell him not to be ridiculous, in-between the sobs. I am a grown women of 48, I should be able to go to aqua fit on my own.

Slowly my breathing slows, the tears subside, the panic leaves as quick as it came… The Hubs makes a cup of tea and I feel like a fool….

For the rest of the day, I feel vulnerable, emotionally exhausted… and a little stupid. I email the fitness trainer and am just honest, saying that I became overwhelmed and had to leave. A little while later I receive a reply, telling me not to worry and she will see me tomorrow for the gym (bingo wings time)

She also says she will runs through things with me so I know where the toilets are, where the pool is and will show me the lockers and how to use them. That has settled my mind a little, knowing someone understands.

It is 6.52am as I write this, the gym is at 12! Wish me luck

As always

Love & hugs

Anita

#kickingcancersbutt and working on anxiety

My Year so Far…

Hellloooo, ❤️

Well, I don’t know about you but January certainly seems to be dragging its heels.. it’s the 13th and yet in my head we should be nearer the end of the month by now 😂 or maybe it’s because I am getting so much done at the moment, I am surprising myself 😜

I hope that you are all doing as well as you can be and that life is settling back to normal after Christmas? January always seems to be one of the longest months ever! (Have I mentioned this? 🤣)

After spending a lot of Christmas in pain, I have decided that something has to change as this is meant to be about quality of life now and yet most days I am taking pain medication. I am not moaning I just know that it’s down to me to change things in my life.

I have given up drinking because of my liver, and smoking , for overall health reasons and shouldn’t really be smoking. Now I am concentrating on what I put into my body. Really focusing on the foods, herbs and spices that will heal my body from the inside. (Hopefully 🤞🏻)

A few weeks on, it’s still early days and my body is still showing signs of inflammation but I am determined that this is a life change not a quick fix or a diet.. and it isn’t about losing weight it’s about me feeling pain free and being able to achieve the things I want to do! (It’s been 13 and a half days since my last cupcake……)

I will be documenting my progress on Bladdercancer.net in the form of articles and videos, so keep a look out if you want to see how I get on. I am trying and eating foods I never thought I would. 😱

I am also being interview for a Sunday paper supplement this week.. eek exciting… and it means I will be able to spread awareness of bladder cancer and Dying in Dignity, both of which are close to my heart. I’ll let you know how that goes..

One thing that I started last year is a “gratitude diary” so every day I am writing 3 or more things down that I am grateful for. This gets you to really think about your life and what you are thankful for. I am loving it, it just takes a few minutes a day to do and reminds you of all the good things in your life. ❤️❤️

Health wise, I am plodding on, high inflammation markers in my body and my hand keeps swelling up. I am due to have an ultrasound and X-ray on it next week! I am also due a PET scan within the next 2-4 weeks, I can’t quite remember so will wait for Nish to call.

I have recently discover “the Ranges.” I used to walk there a long time ago and due to being too lazy to drive to Oakhanger, I decided to see how good they were for Mine and Sherlock’s morning walk. Well we are loving it! So peaceful, so beautiful. ❤️

A huge thank you to all of you who are supporting the current Dying in Dignity campaign, in which I am involved in. We all need to think about our deaths and how/what we would like. Have those conversations with this who you love so that THEY know what your wishes are.

We are working towards trying to get the Law changed on “Assisted Dying”, not just me, but many many people face a agonising and painful death which just isn’t necessary in this day and age and as many people have pointed out, we would treat our pets with more compassion than we do our fellow human beings.. for more info please see http://www.dyingindignity.org.uk

I am trying to be more organised this year (😂😂😂😜) which for a Sagittarius is no mean feat! I am trying to create a Menu for the week ahead, that way there will be no more wasting food (I hate that) and we will know what is in the house to cook AND we won’t waste money buying things we don’t need!

The first week went well apart from I forgot that there are 7 days in a week not 6 (I seriously wonder about myself everyday 😮) but fear not, we didn’t starve, we just had to go food shopping!

I am also trying to work my life on a rota system.. so each week, say on a Monday, the bathroom and bedroom get cleaned, on a Wednesday the living room gets done etc.. is this really bonkers or taking it too far? Or am I a genius who is saving herself time? Only time will tell 😁😉

Who knows how long this will last 🤪 I am one for starting things and never quite finishing them….

Today we are going to my in Laws for dinner. Really looking forward to seeing them, they are really lovely people and I think my Father in Law is going to teach me “cribbage.” Apparently you have to be ok at adding up and multiplying numbers… I think it’s going to be a very quick game 🤪🤪

Anyhoo, wishing you all a fabulous Sunday, whatever you are up too…

love & hugs ❤️

Anita

#kickingcancersbutt

And so it begins…. 2019!

Have you ever had a day when you felt really “grown up?” Today is that day for me.. I don’t know why today is the special “grown up” day, it just is.

It’s January, 6th 2019! WOW! 2019!! When I was little, I used to think that we would all be living on the moon and having space aged gadgets.

Ok, so we aren’t living on the moon but look how far technology has come. We have phones which we can take pictures with! We can send emails! We can watch films! We can search the internet! There is a thing called “the internet.”

I don’t really know where I am going with this post, I think it might be about being grateful about your life and who and what you have in it.

It dawned on me the other day that I have a pretty amazing life. The simple fact that I have a life right now is just mind blowing, especially when you think back to 3 years ago. (3!! I can’t believe it, can you?)

I have a warm and loving home. I have a wonderful family, who are much like yours. We all have our faults, differences and quirks but I wouldn’t be without them, they are who makes my life so special and challenging at the same time.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would have this life. Never did I think I would be a “normal” member of society. I have mental health issues, bipolar 2 to be exact!

There was a time when I went off the rails, and yet I couldn’t see it. There was a time when I was an absolute train wreck, bouncing off people and friends. There was a time when my life felt so dark, I felt so alone and yet I had the biggest smile on my face. There was a time when I felt so numb inside, so completely empty and dead, I never thought I would be able to “feel” anything, ever again.

And yet here I am! Sat on my sofa, married to the most wonderful, good man, who makes me laugh every single day. With a grown up Son, who struggles at times, with life, but has the biggest heart I have ever seen.

Here I am with a wonderful relationship and friendship with my Aunt, which I never knew was possible. And I love it. Here I am with relationships with my Mother and Sister that I never thought would ever happen.

Here I am with such wonderful, amazing and gregarious friends. There was a time when I felt I didn’t have any friends, I had driven them away with my behaviour.

I remember a day when I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. I was so tired of the extreme happiness and the desperate lows. My emotions were all over the place, I thought I didn’t belong in this world. I couldn’t cope… I wrote a letter so my Son explaining that he would be better off without me and that I was sorry but I couldn’t take all the pain that I felt in my heart anymore.

I didn’t want the daily struggle with my mind, anymore. I couldn’t keep the pretence up, that I wasn’t coping with life. I just couldn’t….

I poured myself a lot of vodka and took a lot of pills. I cried, I sobbed, I screamed… I became so overcome with emotion that my cries and tears became silent. I was totally empty of angst, there was nothing left inside me.

And then I puked! I puked a lot!

I could see half digested food, the smell alone was enough to make you sick. The sweet smell of alcohol, on its return journey with unrecognisable blobs of food, lovely!

I think I slept for a while. Upon waking the stench hit me, my head felt funny, my eyes, so so sore. I got a drink of water…. f#cking hell I couldn’t even kill myself right!

And that’s when I started to laugh. Not a giggle or a guff but a full on belly laugh! “Goodness me” (or words to that effect 🤪) “this must mean I am meant to still be here”

Those memories are still so raw, still so painful! I’m not sure what lesson I learnt that day other than drinking neat vodka and taking pills, burns and hurts your throat and gives you the biggest headache ever (as well as bad pains elsewhere).

I guess what I want to say is that “no matter how tough, hard or completely exhausting” you find life, hang on in there. Keep learning and growing… life can get better…

I am the living proof.

I am so thankful for today ❤️

Love & hugs 💖

Anita

#stillkickingcancersbutt

And finally being a grown up… 😁

P.S. the hubs and I are going to start a Christmas shopping scene jigsaw…. old Anita would of rather poked her eyes out with a very large stick, than do a jigsaw…. Nana Nita is really excited about the jigsaw, Grandson and whatever else 2019 will bring ❤️

What a Wonderful Month…

Wow, I have been blessed and have been so busy recently, so many wonderful things to look forward to and to take part in.  I am so fortunate that I have been able to raise awareness of bladder cancer and Neuroendocrine cancers.

I spoke at the All Party Parlimentary Group on Cancer at the absolutely amazing Methodist Hall in Westminster.  WOW such a breathtaking building, with a sweeping staircase.  I felt I needed a ballgown to be able to just “float” down those stairs.

It was such a wonderful experience and a huge thank you to Macmillan for asking me to speak at the event.   I really feel honoured and humbled to have taken part, and if my words just touched one person and helped to change perceptions of the incurable/terminally ill cancer patients then I think I will have done what I set out to do.  (Obviously raising awareness of bladder cancer at the same time)

What made my speech so special was that My Aunt and Uncle were there too, along with Tim.  I wanted  to make them proud of who I am and what I am doing.  I guess  its a bit like when you were little and took part in the nativity and your parents came along… thats how I felt. 

This month has also brought the Dying in Dignity campaign as well.  Featuring Yours Truly.  I know that this is a very emotive subject and that we all entitled to our own opinions and that we all have differing opinions.  I fully support #assisteddying as the thought of dying a horrible painful death from cancer is just too much to bear. 

The campaign has gone down well and hopefully people will see that I am just a normal person, with an incurable/terminal disease who would like to take control of my own death and to be really frank I cannot understand why the law hasn’t been passed.  I do understand that safeguards need to be in place.

Im pretty happy with the responses I have received from joining this campaign and they have been mostly positive.  I guess there are always going to be people who say that assisted dying is “suicide” which it is not.   For me it would just give me a reassurance that in my final days/hours I won’t be sedated and kept sedated until my body dies of starvation and dehydration. 

I guess to sum it the last month up, it has been informative and exciting.  who knew that out of something so terrible as a terminal cancer diagnosis, something so good could happen.

Oh and let’s not forget the Daily Mail article….. I hang my head in shame!

Now… its nearly christmas and I push my focus onto my friends and family, whom I love so dearly.  Im super excited this year as our son and his family are staying with us over the festive period,  This means that “Nana Nita” gets lots of practise with the gorgeous Kane and Rowan. 

Its also my birthday on Monday (17th) and usually I am so so so excited about it.  This year, not so much and I am not sure why.  Perhaps it could be that I don’t want to acknowledge that time is passing by although I really have no problem with being 48! 

48…. I really cannot begin to believe that I am nearly 50… It seems just like yesterday that Ashleigh was born and I was in my 20’s and now my baby boy will be 25 on the 27th December.  Where did all that time go?  We blinked and life changed.   

I am so so thankful to still be alive, to still be here, living and breathing and although most days I am in pain, I am having a great life.  Its manageable and on the days it isn’t manageable I have pjs days.  I am determined not to let any of my illnesses define who I am.  I am not my illnesses. 

Erythromyalgia is absolutely awful.  It affects my muscles, my hands and feet, makes my skin feel like I am on fire.  This is getting me down right now, hopefully we will get the medication right soon.  My hand and feet swell and get red hot.  They hurt to use them.  

My feet also get red hot and swell, but this year we have the added bonus of having Raynauds’ as well.  It seems my illnesses are contradictions of each  other.  So I also get numb fingers and toes but my feet feel still feel hot, its the toes and the fingers that go white and numb.

The photo below was just from getting the milk out of the fridge, my fingers turning numb and white. My palms have red splodges on them which is the erythromyalgia 😱

 Last year I had chilblains too.  Chilblains!! I had no idea what they were until the Consultant told me,  I knew my toes hurt badly and just thought I had knocked them. Anyhoo, enough of the moaning and whinging.

I would like to say a huge thank you to you all for supporting us over the last 2 and a half years.  Seems amazing to think I have lasted this long when the diagnosis wasn’t that good.  Thank goodness for chemo/radiotherapy and bladder removal.

So from my family to yours….. We wish you the most Wonderful Christmas ever and a fabulous New Year.

Love & hugs always 

Anita ❤️😘 XX


Please Stop Shaming Us….

So yesterday I reposted a post I wrote  year ago.  It was a very hard post to write and to share with the everyone.  However I decided a long time ago that if I was to share my cancer journey then I would share the good, the bad and all the stuff in between. 

This post was called “Dear Cancer” and it was written by me when I fell apart.  I fell apart as I wasn’t suppose to still be here, to still be alive.  I felt that people were talking about me, that they were thinking that I was a fraud.  I was meant to be dead and yet here I was strutting my stuff, not looking ill either. 

Based on outside appearances, I was rocking life. There looked like there was “nothing wrong” with me.  This is the thing we may look great on the outside but internally, my poor body was struggling to cope with side effects of treatments.

Emotionally, oh my goodness.  I was all over the place. I was struggling, we had blown our savings on making memories and yet here I was, still breathing.  I was still alive, this was not what I was told.  I was told I would be dead by now.  I wondered if my family and friends, although grateful that I was alive, also wondered why I was still breathing?

So where was I?  Oh yes I reshared the post.  I know that social media is a place of free expression and its where we can comment, both good and bad comments.  Yesterday I got a shock.  I received a comment that worried me and to be honest isn’t the first.  Usually if you write anything heartfelt or emotional, someone, somewhere usually puts something about “positivity”.

So this is the comment…… ” what about your POSITIVITY AND HOPE, ANITA ITS CALLED REAL LIFE I’VE BEEN WALKING ROUND WITH IT FOR 59 YEARS AND STILL WALKING AND GOING TO CONTINUNE TIL I GO, HOLD ON IN MY PRAYERS.”  

At first I was taken back. This person doesn’t know me.  They doesn’t know how positive I am or not.  What they have done is read a post and “judged” me on that post.  They haven’t bothered to notice that I had written this post a year ago nor do they know about MY rare cancer! It’s not a normal NET!

Now its bad enough we get judged on a daily basis just for being us (with or without an illness) but please do not tell me how to live with MY illness.  MY cancer.  Just because you may have the “same type” on the surface does not give you the right to challenge ME on how I deal with things.  To try and make me feel ashamed with the way I have dealt with things.

I don’t want to do “my cancer is worst than yours” rubbish as everything is relative.  We all deal with situations differently because we are different people and we all have very different coping mechanisms.  

My journey and my emotional and physical pain is no different to yours, its no better, its no worse.  Things may seem totally insignificant to you but maybe for me they are challenges, they are emotional struggles and just because someone has sailed through their journey doesn’t make it any better or any less emotional or painful than my journey.

I am really getting fed up with being judged, with being told to stay positive and to have hope or faith.  I am fed up of being shamed for how I feel at any given moment.  

It seems that we are being judged and shamed by a small minority of others going through their own Cancer journey and others who have absolutely any idea of what we are going through.  But just because you have cancer or not, does not give you the right to shame someone else into feeling bad about themselves, just because they aren’t dealing with things they way you would deal with it. Thats not ok. Really NOT ok.

I hate these words “be positive, be brave” they are the most patronising and condescending things to say to anyone who is having a hard time.  How on earth do you think those words are going to help?  What do you think they are going to make the person feel like?  It is not a helpful thing to say to anyone EVER!

We already have enough on our plates, getting through the treatments and side effects, we already know that being positive gives our spirit a lift.  we know that being positive is the ONLY choice we have.  We do not need others telling us “how to be” when we are perfectly aware of how we feel.

Being positive all the time is not attainable.  After all, in normal life you don’t walk around like “Mr flipping Happy” all the time do you?  So let us deal with OUR emotions as and when we feel fit.  Let US deal with our illness the way we want to and STOP trying to shame us when we feel low and depressed.  

We need to go through these emotions, you cant have the sunshine without the rain, you can’t have happiness without sadness.  To deny the “rubbish” feelings means that you arent dealing with ALL of the issues that terminal/Incurable cancers and other life limiting illnesses can bring.

And if you are one of the 359,360 people who are diagnosed with some type of cancer each year, please think about how you comment on posts on social media.  Please think about how your words will effect the person you are speaking/writing too!

Love, compassion, empathy and understanding have such a wonderful place in our world, so lets use them. Lets build each other up, Lets support each other.  Lets speak about the down side of cancer, lets tell each other when its a rubbish day.  When its too hard to get off the sofa, when the tears are running down our faces. When we are sobbing uncontrollably because for this moment, right here, right now, we can’t take anymore.

Love & hugs always 

Anita

#stillkickingcancersbutt! ❤️❤️