Are We Ever Good Enough…?

I am sure we all have these days.  The days where you wonder if you are actually clever enough, brave enough, strong enough….. the days where you doubt the very essence of who you are!

We all know others who appear to be more intelligent than ourselves however that doesn’t mean we are stupid….. it means we know “what we know.”  It doesn’t mean that we should see ourselves as any less than others.

We simply are “enough!”  Never doubt that, my friend.  Never doubt that your ability to make it through to the next challenge in your life.  We don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone other than ourselves.   And if people judge or criticise you, don’t let that stop you from being who you are.

Some like their cakes to be chocolate and some like their cakes to be carrot (bleugh)  We are just like cakes……Some will like us one type, say chocolate and others won’t but that is none of our business………. Let them get on with it……. Do not get to upset over what others see us as………. chocolate or carrot cake is still cake!

Do we make a difference?  I started my Facebook page, way back in April 2016 not for recognition, not for fame but as a way to help me deal with the feelings and emotions that came out after my diagnosis.  And to be blunt, I though it would bring comfort and love, after I had died, to my Husband and Son.

It was there to help spread the awareness of this disgusting disease to the best of my ability and hopefully, by sharing our story, it would help others on this long, dark road and let them see that everything we experience is just the “normal” reactions to any type of cancer.

I wanted to use the page to highlight what myself and others, like me, have to go through, physically and emotionally because it is tough!  It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  We may have others around us, helping us, urging us onwards but ultimately it is ONLY us that can decide how we cope with the cancer bubble.

Crumble or rise above the ashes like the Phoenix….. So many people that I have spoken to have become better people, by their own standards, due to this evil disease! It seems to cut the cr#p out of our lives, it makes us understand what is truly important and what isn’t!

We all too often, in life,  get worn down by the “ins and outs” of daily living.  The daily trudge, the repetitive cycle of working to pay the bills, to have more money for material things, when what if I told you that that stuff doesn’t matter a jot!  Would you believe me?

Let’s stop focusing on “what we have” and start focusing on “what we can give to others”.  Why are we so fixated on “stuff?”  On things that, when we die, we won’t have and will be meaningless to others.

Let’s concentrate on living in the moment, laughing, joking and “just being.”  That’s what life is about!

We use the word “fight” a lot when we speak about cancer. We are “fighting” this cancer, we are fighting this “battle” but in reality we are just getting on with our lives.. we are not fighting anything… we are just trying to survive.

Our bodies become battered and bruised during treatment, whilst we try and process everything we go through, in actual fact it isn’t until treatment is over, then we can reflect on how far we have come on this really rubbish journey.

This photo is after a TURBT, and is where my Urologist would resection the Bladder tumour. I felt awful!

It takes a lot of time after treatment to fully process what we have been through. You see, whilst having treatment we are so focused on our next step that we don’t often realise that’s how much strength it has taken us to get where we are, right now.

We get so consumed by the “cancer bubble” that “real life” seems a million miles away from the reality that we are experiencing.

We get to meet so many amazing, wonderful people during our treatment.  People with the same type of cancer, or close enough, even people with different types of cancer.  We need these people, to lean on for strength when ours is waning and to give them strength when they find themselves struggling too!

For friendship and laughter, I can’t stress this one enough.  Even in the darkest moments laughter can be heard.  The human spirit is mindblowing.  When you think you can’t….. just can’t… take any more…. you will.. and much more besides.

This is me and my Lovely Chemo Nurse, she always made me smile ❤️

For the moments when you are often to scared to speak out loud about how you really feel.  You know those moments…. those dark, distressing thoughts that pop into your head at 2am.  Those thoughts that are constantly niggling and nagging at the back of your mind.

Those thoughts that we can’t share with the people we love, because they just wouldn’t totally understand how we feel because it takes someone who has been through what we have been through to truly “get it.”

I truly believe that everyone we meet in our lives, have some purpose in them. Whether it is for a brief moment, to tell us something important or just for the laughter. Never dismiss anyone.

Treat others how you want to be treated back.  Be kind and giving but don’t give too much of yourself, remember you can’t pour from an empty coffee pot.  So make sure you that YOU take care of you, first and foremost.

If you are anything like me, this will be hard to do, as for me, my coping mechanism for my life is to “take care of others” even to the detriment of my own health, which isn’t good!  However I am working on myself continuously growing and learning.

I am a “people pleaser.”  I know this.  Nothing gives me such a buzz in knowing that I have made someone else happy, or that I have helped someone who needed it.  I doubt my own intelligence, my own persona..  I wonder why people like me and sometimes get too wrapped up in why they don’t!

I guess the bottom line is… it doesn’t matter and it shouldn’t matter to me (see cake example) as long as I try to do my best, live my life to my own standards then WHY should it matter what others think of me?

On this journey I have lost many friendships along the way.  I used to get so upset over it, it used to really hurt me until I read something that really resonated with me.  You can’t make anyone be “your friend” you can’t make people “like you” and quite frankly if others don’t value you or your friendship then you are better off without them.  It has taken 48 years to get here.

Me and My Best Friend, been through a lot together, fallen out, not spoken for years, make up, she has been such an amazing support to me ❤️

Why give yourself to people who don’t see your sparkle?  Who don’t appreciate your soul?  Who don’t see who you really are?  Or maybe they do and it’s just not for them!  But again… that’s none of our business! And you have so much more to concentrate on than this!

We can strive to better ourselves, we can start with taking care of us, we can fill our “coffee pots” to the brim in order to help others.  Whatever you do, you are enough.

I always thought you had to be so intelligent, so clever, so… well … so not me, to make any impact on this world. My voice, although being small, teamed up with others, becomes loud and strong.

We can make a difference and it doesn’t matter how big or small that difference is, it is still a difference..

So are WE ever enough? I think the answer is YES…… YES WE ARE!

Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently. Believe and trust in who you are and the difference you bring to the world ❤️

Love Anita x

Destructive behaviour … Growing & Learning?

At what point should you cut yourself off from someone who has destructive behaviour? At what point would you say enough is enough?

How many times would you go through the same destructive behaviour with someone? Someone, who you love so dearly however it’s having a detrimental affect on your own mental health?

How many times would you help to pick up the pieces whilst they are already off onto their next destructive path? At what point would you stop?

I have tried so very hard, and “learnt behaviour” is the worst. I am no saint, I have made millions of mistakes and yet I have learnt and grown, through ageing and wisdom. This is what we do when we learn and grow…. and yes sometimes we repeat the mistakes until the lessons are learnt and we move on.

How do you take “the world off your shoulders?” How do you deal with the guilt, in thinking it’s your fault that they are this way?

How do you help someone who doesn’t see their behaviour is destructive, who doesn’t see the devastating affect it has on others around them. Someone who continues on their path totally oblivious to the hurt they have caused, but it’s ok… they are ok now.

How do you deal with the after effects when you are emotionally drained? How do you just walk away for their good and your own sanity?

How do you walk away and not enable their behaviour any more? How many times do we have to get to the same old place, the same old pattern? How do we stop it when you feel it is your job to help and support them?

How can we just walk away? Will that do more harm than good?

I don’t know any of the answers to any of those questions, all I know is that right now I must focus on my life, my health however heartbreaking it is…. but I still love them …