Bear Grills – Eat your heart out!

Hello you lovely people ❤️

If feels like such a long time since I have written anything remotely hilarious or funny…. (that may or may not happen now, who knows!)

I haven’t been feeling too well recently, funny, blurry eyes that hurt when I look at my mobile, TV, laptop etc, along with generally feeling like death and having absolutely no energy at all!

It makes me realise that I am ill and not pretending to be ill however it also makes me sad as I cannot do the things that I want to do due to lack of energy, motivation and feeling Bleugh 😱

I’m hoping that this has passed now and that I can get on with living my best life ❤️

A few weekends again, the Hubs and I went camping. We were invited to my Bestie’s Sons’ wedding up near Kendal, in the Lake District.

We checked around hotels and realised that without taking out a second mortgage, there was absolutely no way that we could afford to stay in a hotel and that we would need a back up plan.

That back up plan came from my next door neighbour, Julie, who suggested that camping may be fun. Now, anyone who knows me, knows I’m a hotel, with a loo and shower type of person, however with funds being tight, I decided to embrace camping wholeheartedly. As what could possible go wrong, right?

Ok… so who knew it rained in the Lakes? Well apparently everyone but me…

We set off at 7am, always excited about the road trips with the Hubs. We can make any journey a karaoke session, with hits form the 80’s, rock and cheesy pop songs… the M25 was clear, which was great and we soon found ourselves heading up the M6 to “up north” and dusted off our flat caps. (I can day that as I originally came from Bridlington before I settled as a Southerner)

The campsite was miles away from where I had thought and we realised pretty quickly that we had left pillows, the Hubs tie and jacket and beer at home, obviously the camping essentials 😂

We found an Asda and decided to get provisions… obviously not the essential things like food but beer and pillows… oh and a nice skirt and top which I though would look beautiful for the wedding. (More on that later)

Once the bits were bought, we drove down a dirt track and lo and behold, our campsite was a field in a working farm with a little shop, for idiots like us who had never done the likes of camping before!

The sky was blue and filled with the most beautiful clouds. We went about putting our borrowed tent up (thanks Julie) well… when I say “we” I obviously mean the Hubs as I wasn’t going to wear myself out before the wedding…

I tried to put up a camping table… useless, totally useless… in the end I gave up and put the whistling kettle on for a cuppa and grabbed a beer for the Hubs. (Top tip: We all know that Husbands work well when encouraged and given beer!! Most importantly beer!)

The Hubs put the tent up in record time and began to get the camping beds, that we had borrowed, out of the van (thanks Kane) That was the first little snag of our trip… they didn’t fit into the tent!! 😂 neither of us had thought to check that they would fit however that surely wasn’t a huge problem as I had gotten a blow up mattress and pump off Facebook, so we would be ok, wouldn’t we?

Errrm nope! The Hubs thinking he had the beds under control, left the air mattress and pump at home. Off went on our first trip to the little shop on the campsite to buy roll mats to sleep on. Now if anyone has ever seen and slept on these “little mats of hell” knows that you may as well take a fiver and burn it for all the good these mats do!

Our little home for 2 nights was finally set up and we sat in our camping chairs admiring the views of the sweeping hills and people watching! (Our favourite sport)

We borrowed a fire pit and got marshmallows and sticks (from the shop) and we had ourselves a little snack, omg just how good are melted marshmallows? (A whole packet was nearly eaten but we left about 4 so we didn’t look like pigs)

It was bliss, there was no phone signal so we had to talk to each other 😂 or, as the Hubs opted, play candy crush! At 9pm we decided that we were worn out from travelling the 300 miles and decided to get our heads down as we had a pretty full day the next day.

Ok…. so we tried! People were flip flopping past the tent at all hours, there was a group of about 10 people who had joined the campsite and were proceeding to get very drunk and very loud, gwaffing and haha-ing for what seemed like an age. (I know that this was wrong but I was praying for rain so they would have to go into their tents, shame on me)

Then, a group of youngsters skipped past the tent, giggling loudly and scuffing their trainers, I looked over to the Hubs who was now snoring his head off. I wanted to poke him with a big stick!

Fireworks started and because we were in a valley it seems to make the noise ricochet around us it sounded like we were in front of a firing squad, then more gwaffing 😱

I pretty much woke up every hour on the hour and at 12 I realised I had 4G so rushed out of the tent and sent a few texts 😂 I laid listening to the sound of laughter and of rain and wondered why the other group hadn’t gone in yet… the next morning I saw why. They had a gazebo! Genius!

The rest of the night consisted of constantly turning and sticking to the ground mat that was under the roll mats, checking to ensure my night bag was ok and I wasn’t covered in pee… sleep came in small bursts.

I looked over at the Hubs, who had drunk enough beer to make him sleep and snore and wondered if I would get away with stabbing him with a squirrel and blaming the menopause.

The skirt I had bought from Asda the previous day, for the wedding, didn’t fit… seriously Asda if that was a size 20 I will eat a can of baked beans (😱) I doubted whether it would even fit one thigh so back to plan A which was my lovely Tesco dress that they specially made for me.

My lovely Hubs and my bestie and her partner, we scrub up well!

The hubs scrubbed up well in blue chinos and a shirt type top… and off we went to celebrate the wedding of Mrs & Mrs Smith.

It was such a wonderful wedding, the Vicar was hilarious but also deep, reminding us to think about the meaning or marriage and I don’t know about you but I lOVE weddings. They make me feel all warm and cosy and watching Jamie and his beautiful Bride, Michaela, taking to the floor for their first dance, filled me with joy and love.

And of course they was wine. It seemed every time I turned around my wind glass was full. Although I had drank a lot I wasn’t drunk and I wonder if that’s to do with the bag hanging off my stomach? Who knows?!

We got back to the campsite at around 9pm ish. The Hubs was more than perfectly pickled. We walked past the open barn where 3 lads where having a BBQ and had forgotten about a little drunken snackaroo… a kebab would of gone down well at that point. (Yes I know kebabs are the devils food but there is something that makes them taste sooooo good when you are pickled)

I decided to cut the corner and walked down a small embankment, bad move I proceeded to skip and twist my ankle and something in my big toe “crunched.” The Hubs got my flip flops and I hobbled back to the tent. It was very slippy on the grass hence why I slipped and had absolutely nothing to do with the copious amounts of alcohol that I had consumed over the day 😂

The Hubs shouted me and had managed to get 2 chicken drumsticks, one each, from the BBQing lads. It was the BEST chicken drumstick ever! (Edit I now know they cost us £5!!)

At 2.30am, I woke up feeling the familiar warmth of pee trickling over my legs, I shoved my kaftan over the bag to try and save my sleeping bag, it was bad enough sleeping on the floor without having to sleep in pee as well.

I managed to back out of the tent using my butt first, having opened the mosquito net and climbed over, all whilst trying to stop pee dribbling everywhere. I flippped and flopped my way down to the shower block and sat in a tiny loo, trying to arrange my products to change the bag.

Halfway through the light timed out and I sat for a few minutes wondering what the hell to do? I got up and walked over to the switch with my belly and bag out praying that no one would walk into the block and see me with no knickers on!

I then had a nasty bout of explosive diahorrea, thank god it happen whilst I was sat on the loo. I dread to think….. I looked for a toilet brush as the loo have becomes blocked, nope, to no avail, I looked outside for a big stick… nope… nothing… I tried flushing the loo again and it started to fill up to the rim. I decided I would tell the lovely lady in the shops as there was nothing that I could do right now and I really needed to sleep!

After securing fixing my new bag, and having a “half” shower I returned to the tent! Flipping and flopping into huge puddles. I now know that it had absolutely bucketed down whilst I was in the loo block.

I managed to sleep for a bit but was woken to an awful feeling in my tummy…. I managed to unzip the mosquito netting and, most importantly, was exiting the tent bottom first… I was half in and half out of the tent when I felt that all too familiar feeling of cramping and then it happened!!

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…. oh my god” more explosive diahorrea, all I could do was to stay on my hands and knees and give in to it 😱

I then did the “walk of shame” back to the toilets, remembering not to use the middle loo in case it was still blocked! Unfortunately the loo I had chosen didn’t have any loo roll so had to shuffle to the third one!

After yet another “half shower” I walked back to the tent, passed the three lads who were still drinking and chatting at 5am. They cheerfully offered me a chicken wing which I declined!

I went back to sleep (?!?) and we woke at 8.30am! It was raining but we managed to sit under a brolly and have our coffee. The sun came out and dried up the tent and we just chilled.

The Hubs was walking around the campsite, like a proud peacock so I asked him what was up with him and this is his reply “I bet everyone on the campsite is thinking we had sex last night after all those ‘Oh my gods” 😂😂 you have to love him!

Camping, I have discovered is wonderful, peaceful, simple and calming. It reminded me of who I am. It took away the daily stresses we live with. It made me forget about the blasted cancer and we laughed…. and laughed ❤️

I now consider us seasoned campers and I love it. We are currently planning our next trip away with Sherlock. If you want a holiday to relax I would definitely recommend a tent, a fire pit and lots of marshmallows.

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary and I am so fortunate to be here. Our life isn’t perfect, we argue, we compromise but most importantly we love each other and our loves grows daily.

Having defied my initial prognosis and not knowing what each year brings and whether I will still be alive, I am learning to accept my life for what it is and for who I am, for that I am truly grateful.

I realise that we have to work at our marriage, like anything in life, you grow and learn along the way. I am such a lucky girl, I have the most wonderful hubby, who would do anything for me, as I would for him and as long as we love each other, we can do anything.

Love and hugs to you all ❤️ and thank you for still being there supporting us on this really shitty journey xxx